How do I find interest and things to motivate me?
Everyone seems to have goals or things they enjoy. Things they work for and things that make hard work seem worth it. My life has been one trauma after another and I fell into a deep depression where I’ve been for years. My apathy seems to know no bounds. When I ask advice on how to live, what to do, what my career should be, what my motivation should be etc, I get the same advice. Find what your interested in and do it. I should work to make myself happy and do things I enjoy. I’ve been trying but nothing has broken the barrier. I couldn’t find anything I liked to study in college and I decided to just try and pick something so I could get a degree. After 3 years of college, I just didn’t care about what I was studying even though I tried classes in nearly every department my school offered. I even transfered and nothing changed. I left school on a medical leave hoping the time to myself would help me discover what I really wanted. Nope.
I’ve tried picking up hobbies, all of which give out less pleasure in the ratio of work/pleasure. I have no reason to leave my house anymore. I could go get a partime job working at McDonalds or something but I luckily don’t need the money and I can’t exactly see how that would be pleasurable experience. I’ve thought about traveling but I don’t really care about about seeing sites. Some people have suggested to find a girlfriend or even just get laid. I’m asexual and that really doesn’t appeal to me. I medically am not allowed to drink alcohol, so night life is mediocre at best. Besides, I’m not trying to get laid and I hate loud music. This also gets me thinking long term. I’m pretty sure due to my asexuality that I’m not getting married and if I had a kid, I would have to adopt because I’m physically sterile as well as having to raise the child as a single father. That’s just depressing to think about.
Action Sports intrest me a bit, and I have been trying to learn to surf for a year now but I’m still not that good. I also don’t live that close to a beach that I can do it daily. I do like to ski and I am good since I’ve been doing it since I was 6, but the closest mountain is 5 hours away and it can get expensive. Plus, I have no one to go with. I wanted to get into skydiving, and went twice already, but its too expensive. Other than that, I have nothing. I sleep, eat, and work out 6 days a week and spend the rest of my time on the internet, watching tv, or something else that can distract me until bed.
Yes, I am on the sidelines. I took myself out of the game when I left college. No point in participating in a game that you don’t enjoy. A victory in a game is meaningless if you don’t even want it. I’m trying to find reasons to enjoy it or find another game that I will enjoy.
One cannot win the race unless he’s a participant. Sounds like you’re on the sidelines.
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